Movie Quote Powers

Many of us already do this around the table—make up variant names for our powers (the ranger’s claws of the griffon becomes claws of Kathy Griffin; the warlord’s steel monsoon becomes Gorilla Monsoon). In many cases, these new power names and their application are tied to movie quotes (as everything around the table gets tied, inevitably, to movie quotes… and so we’d be remiss not to mention Chatty DM’s warlord powers).

In today’s special feature, we decided to reverse-engineer the process, creating 4th Edition D&D powers based on movie quotes.

It goes without saying (but we’ll say it anyway), these are hardly game-legal. But it’s April 1st… and if anyone can convince their DMs to let you playtest the following—we say, more powers to you!

Predator

Monty Python, Holy Grail

It’s Only a Flesh Wound

Fighter Utility 2

You are able to fight on, even through agonizing wounds. You can also continue peppering your opponents with witty remarks while you bleed at them.

Encounter Martial
Immediate Interrupt Personal
Trigger: An enemy damages you and you drop to 0 hit points or fewer

Effect: You are dying, but do not fall unconscious. You are able to stand (probably on one leg) but can take no actions other than insulting the triggering enemy while you are dying (and hopping). In addition, whenever an enemy moves adjacent to you for the rest of the encounter, you can threaten to either bleed at them or bite their knees.

Princess Bride

I’m Not Left Handed Either!

Dread Pirate Attack 5

Just when your enemy thinks they have you in a bad place (like a cliff edge), you switch your weapon to your other hand, show some fancy footwork, press the attack while showing your superior skill, and then knock your foe out.

Daily Martial, Sleep, Weapon
Immediate Reaction Melee weapon
Requirement: You must be wielding a one-handed weapon (preferably a rapier) and have your other hand free.
Trigger: An enemy bloodies you

Effect: You switch your weapon to your other hand with a flourish and make the following attack.

Target: The triggering enemy

Attack: Dexterity vs. AC

Effect: Before the attack, you push the target 5 squares, then shift adjacent to the target (using Acrobatics or Athletics, if possible… especially if you can do a spinning somersault off of a bar, which gains a +10 bonus to the check).

Hit: The target falls unconscious (save ends).

Special: If the target is a Spaniard, it takes a –5 penalty to saving throws against this effect.

The Matrix

Dodge This!

Ranger Attack 9

You slide up behind your enemy while it’s distracted and gloating about its superiority, and attack from “up-close-and-personal” range. The attack is even more harmful to agents… uh, constructs.

Daily Martial, Weapon
Immediate Interrupt Ranged weapon
Requirement: You must be wielding a ranged weapon.
Trigger: An enemy within 4 squares of you targets an ally (who you like to call “the one”) with a ranged attack

Effect: Before the attack, you shift adjacent to the triggering enemy as a free action and make a Stealth check with a +10 bonus to the check against its Perception. If you succeed, you make the following attack (without provoking an attack of opportunity).

Target: The triggering enemy

Attack: Dexterity vs. AC

Hit: 2[W] + Dexterity modifier damage.

Effect: If the target is a construct, the attack instead deals 6[W] damage and you score an automatic critical hit against the target.

Pirates of the Caribbean

And Really Bad Eggs

Rogue Utility 16

Drink up me ‘earties. Yo ho.

Daily Charm, Martial
Minor Action Close burst 5
Requirement: You must have a broken compass.
Target: You and each creature in burst

Effect: You gain a +10 bonus on the next d20 roll you make until the start of your next turn. Each creature in the burst other than you must drink from a flask or bottle of rum as a free action. Those who do gain 15 temporary hit points and grant combat advantage until the start of your next turn. Any target that does not partake must succeed on a saving throw; on a failed save, the target cannot take standard actions until the end of your next turn.

Roll-Playing for Roleplaying

Dice-n-Wipes

There are no words to describe how awesome this is.

The application period for being a peer reviewers closes December 31st, 2009. These individuals will be responsible for reading the entries (not all of them mind you, I will spread the word count around) and interacting with me during the final decision making process. If chosen, your names will be witheld until publication of the book. If you are interested, please click here for more information and to submit your information: http://rpganthology.wufoo.com/forms/open-game-table-volume-2-peer-review-application/

The submission deadline for nominations of blog posts closes January 15th, 2010. I’ve streamlined the submission process so that all you need to is submit a valid URL. Up to 5 per submission form can be accomodated; but there’s no limit to how many you can send in. The nomination form, and more information, can be found here: http://rpganthology.wufoo.com/forms/open-game-table-vol-2-blog-post-nomination-form/

The play was finally performed and reviews for it are glowing! Pictures of the production are available here. This one’s my favorite:

GOBLINS!!!

Video Embedded Below

Bullywug, bullywug,
Does whatever a bullywug does
In the mud, they can hide,
Kills PCs just like flies
Look out!
Here comes a bullywug.

Can he hop?
Listen bud,
Goes up high, comes down with a thud.
Isn’t this some kind of joke?
Quiet or he’ll make you croak.
Hey, there
There goes a bullywug.

In the heat of swamp
Underneath all the muck
Getting ready to jump
And now you’re out of luck

Bullywug, bullywug
Bloated, bug-eyed bullywug
Mottled skin
Great big tongue
Hunting things just for fun.

To him, life can be really nasty
But if you need a patsy
There’s always a bullywug!

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Have you been avoiding e-books because they just don’t smell right?

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ROADIE

“The hum of the mandolin.
The crash of the tambourine.
The bard needs a coffee.”

CLASS TRAITS

Role: Defender. You are used and abused but have the uncanny ability of stopping foes in their tracks.
Power Source: Martial. Your three hours of karate class make you a formidable opponent.
Key Abilities: Strength, Constitution, Charisma
Armor Proficiencies: Cloth, leather, chainmail
Weapon Proficiencies: Dagger, club, improvised melee weapons, unarmed attack
Implements: Alcohol, musical instruments
Bonus to Defense: +1 Fortitude, +1 Will
Hit Points at 1st Level: 15 + Constitution score
Hit Points per Level Gained: 8
Healing Surges per Day: 12 + Constitution modifier

Trained Skills: Endurance. From the class skills list below, choose two more trained skills at 1st level. Class Skills: Athletics (Str), Bluff (Cha), Intimidate (Cha), Streetwise (Cha)

Class Features: Armor of Funk, I’m with the band, Oh no you don’t, Rage of Denial

Roadies. What would the bards do without roadies? Nothing! That’s what they’d do. While the bard may be the frontman, the roadie works behind the scenes to make sure all bard performances go off without a hitch.

When the bard pulls out a lute to mock her opponent by quickly creating a bawdy limerick, who do you think makes sure the lute is tuned?

When the bard plays his harp in such a manner that women throw their undergarments at him, who do you think gathers them up?

When a crazed fan rushes the bard to either get an autograph or stab him, who do you think takes the nutjob down?

When a groupie wants to meet the bard, who do you think sacrifices themselves by making the groupie “go through me first?”

The roadie, that’s who. From tuning instruments to fetching refreshments, roadies do it all. Literally.

ROADIE CLASS FEATURES

Roadies have the following class features.

Armor of Funk

With all the preparation necessary to support the bard, the roadie rarely has time to bathe. For every one week that passes since the roadie’s last bath, you gain a +2 bonus to AC since no one really wants to be around you.

I’m With the Band

Roadies are adept at dealing with bard groupies. You gain the I’m with the band power.

Lone Bodyguard

Roadies can stop even the craziest of fans from reaching the bard. You gain the lone bodyguard power.

Rage of Denial

While roadie is a respectable job, there are those who don’t fully understand what it is you do. Any time someone refers to you as either a “lackey” or a “henchman,” you fly into a salivating rage. You gain a +2 to Strength, a +2 to Constitution, and a -2 to Charisma for a number of rounds equal to your Roadie class levels plus your new Charisma modifier.

Roadie Talent

Bards need, and deserve, to be pampered. Instruments need to be prepped, voices need to be cared for, ego need to be soothed, etc. Choose one of the following options.

• Brewing Talent: Once per round, if the bard fails to damage an enemy, you can, as a free action, slide a number of squares necessary to stand next to the bard and sooth his fragile ego with a nice cup of tea.

• Tuning Talent: Once per round, if the bard fails to damage an enemy when using an instrument, you can, as a free action, slide a number of squares necessary to stand next to the bard. You immediately start tuning the instrument while being verbally abused by the humiliated bard.

IMPLEMENTS

You are adept at using all musical instruments. In a matter of seconds, you can make even the most out-of-tune mandolin sing like a Deva. You are also a master of using alcohol to your advantage. Roadies who eventually becomes bards themselves, unlikely but not unheard of, continue to use the musical instruments they so willingly tuned and cared for.

CREATING A ROADIE

When creating a roadie, you must keep in mind the roadies age. Young roadies are typically wide-eyed and naïve, ready to tackle any obstacle the bard puts in their way. Jaded  veterans, however, are typically just going through the motions as their spirit was broken a long time ago.

Naïve Roadie

Your heroes are bards. They have hundreds of adoring fans, live wild lifestyles, and you want to be one of them. Your highest ability should be Constitution, as you’ll be expected to take a lot of damage in the name of the bard. You’ll also need Strength to tote around all of the bard’s equipment. Charisma will help when dealing with fans.
Suggested Class Feature: Tuning Talent
Suggested Feat: Defensive Mobility
Suggested Skills: Athletics, Endurance, Intimidate

Jaded Veteran

Your heroes used to be bards. Once a naïve roadie, you have come to accept your fate in life. Charisma should be your highest ability, since you’re good at spotting any BS that comes your way. Your Constitution should be high because it will take every ounce of inner strength to continue through your existence. A high Strength will help but every day reminds you that you’re not as strong as you used to be.
Suggested Class Feature: Brewing Talent
Suggested Feat: Durable
Suggested Skills: Bluff, Endurance, Streetwise

ROADIE POWERS

Your powers are typically supportive in nature. Your entire worth is usually dependent upon the effectiveness of the bard.

Class Features

Each roadie has the powers I’m with the band and lone bodyguard.

I’m With the Band – Roadie Feature
You are adept at talking to fans of the bard in order to separate the “good ones” from the “bad ones”
Encounter • Implement
Minor Action
Close burst 1
Target: One creature
Attack: Charisma vs. Will
Effect: You gain a +5 bonus to the next Intimidate or Bluff check you make before the end of your next turn.

Lone Bodyguard – Roadie Feature
You are willing to sacrifice your body for the good of the bard
Encounter • Implement (Alcohol)
Minor Action
Melee implement
Target: One creature
Attack: Charisma vs. Will
Effect: You can slide a number of squares equal to your Charisma modifier and force the enemy to attack you instead of the bard.

As luck would have it, my source, the same source that slipped me the skills that were rejected during the creation of 3rd Edition, has sent me the new character sheet for 5th edition. It’s… interesting to say the least. For example, you level up after every fifth encounter, skills are all strength based, and you gain a feat at every level. There are some other changes but I’ll let you see them for yourself to draw your own conclusions.

Click each image for a larger view.

Click here to download the whole thing in PDF format

Video embedded below

Trailer embedded below

More than anything, I think the reason I liked the show so much was because I’ve always been a fan of any humor that I can relate directly to D&D or any fantasy-based RPG. I love The Gamers movie because of just that. Here are some examples:

• The PC sees that the townsfolk are in trouble and decides to put a little flare into his rescue. Usually, when this happens, you get the following results:

• The PC is told, via some supernatural occurrence, that he is “the Chosen One.” Usually it’s a little anti-climactic but, change it to “the Golden One” and have it revealed while the enemy is reading the PCs diary and you get this:

• The beginning of the campaign starts quickly and action abounds! One of the PCs is threatened and the PC covering him shoots to help him but rolls a 1!

All in all, it’s a very funny show and we’ll definitely DVR it.

Once upon a time, when Earth was still a beautiful place, an evil force came to turn all living things into Vegetarians. Three students from suburban Massachusetts would step up against this catastrophe… to end Vegetarian Supremacy. Mark, Jesús, Maria and their foes would make amazing personal discoveries as the two forces clash. And so began the ultimate saga about friendship, heritage, sex and explosions.

Embedded video below

Ok. Now that that’s out of the way, here the scoop. I’m running a game for friends using the StuperPowers! rules. If you’ve never played a StuperPowers! game, I highly recommend it. Simple to play and it’s great for at least one night of hilarity. Anyway, this is the premise:

Calipornification!

It’s the year 2055. California has seceded from the union after a bloodless civil war because, in the end, no one cared that they wanted to leave. The main export of California is porn. It provides the income to keep the California “government” running so they can continue to give free handouts to the people that live there.

Unfortunately for them, popular porn stars have been disappearing right and left! The police and their Segways are powerless to stop the kidnappings and have no leads to follow. It’s up to your team of top-notch current- and ex-pornstars to find the root of this evil and bring back California’s cash-cow. Are you man/woman/hermaphrodite enough?

So far, I have the following bad guys for the heroes to deal with:

• Dirty Sanchez
• The Circle Jerks (henchmen)
• The Cougar
• The Cunning Linguist
• The Beastmaster and his sidekick, Wolfpuss

I’m always on the lookout for good ideas. Any suggestions on enemies I should include or situations in which I should put the heroes?

Scroll of changestaff

Oil of bless weapon

Alchemist’s Fire

Potion of sanctuary

Oil of magic weapon

Potion of reduce person

Acid (flask)

Potion of water breathing

Scroll of lullaby

Potion of enlarge person

MIME

Once received, the group will review it thoroughly and make a decision. You will be notified of our decision within 7-10 business days of receipt.

We know that you have many choices when it comes to gaming groups and we appreciate you wanting to join ours. Thank you once again for your application and we look forward to hearing from you soon. Klaatu barada nikto.

Age:

Weight:

Sex (your application will automatically be rejected if you answer “yes” here):

If you are male, have you ever talked to a girl? Yes / No

If “Yes,” what was it like?

What is your favorite snack food?

What snacks would you bring to the table?

How long have you been gaming?

What is your preferred RPG system and why?

Have you ever participated in a LARP? Yes / No

If “Yes,” seriously?

How do you pronounce “drow?” (Circle one)

Drow as in Cow / Drow as in Dough / Drow as in Steve

Have you, or any of your relatives, ever been diagnosed as “being emo”? Yes / No

If “Yes,” when was the last time you shopped at Hot Topic?

Which player type do you most associate with? (Circle one)

• Actor
• Explorer
• Fraking Nuts
• Instigator
• Power Gamer
• Slayer
• Storyteller
• Thinker
• Watcher

If you circled anything other than Power Gamer, are you sure? Don’t lie. We know when people lie.

Why do you associate with your selected player type?

Which Monty Python movies have you seen? Make sure to list them in order of the original date of release.

Will you quote any of these movies at the table? Yes / No

If “Yes,” how often and do you like being stabbed?

What is your favorite class/race/Denny’s “Slam”/alignment?

List a few “catch phrases” you’ve been known to yell at the gaming table when your character does something really cool in combat.

List the number of times you’ve been scolded/stared at/punched for yelling out a “catch phrase” at the gaming table.

How did Black Leaf die and whose fault was it?

Essay Section

All answers must be no more than 2500 characters. Points will be removed from your final score if you do. If you need more space for your essay, ask your proctor for an additional blue book.

1) Orc and Pie – Humorous parody or acute observation on the plight of young women in today’s male dominated society?

2) OD&D – Is it the one true D&D and how do all other editions pale in comparison?

3) Tom’s 3rd edition monk needs to jump over a pit that is 11.25 feet wide by 15.84 feet long by 30.1 feet deep. The monk has a total Jump modifier of +8 but has been recently cursed so that his Strength attribute has been reduced by 6 points. He is also carrying a medium load because he ate a heavy breakfast and it isn’t sitting well with him. Given the fact that he must traverse up an incline of 27 degrees (F) and that there is a bag of marbles in front of the pit that was accidentally left there by the son of the dungeon keeper, what must Tom roll on a d20 to successfully clear the pit by 3.67 feet. Show your work.

4) You’re in a shipwreck and are currently floating in the ocean, clinging desperately to a piece of flotsam. In the distance, you spot a small island that you can easily swim to. On the way, you spot three things floating as well; a shrink-wrapped Book of Erotic Fantasy, a shrink-wrapped autographed copy of Monte Cook’s Ptolus, and a scantily-clad blonde woman who will do anything if you save her. You only have time to grab one of them before the rest are swept out to sea, never to be seen again. Which do you grab? Be honest.

5) Bards should be able to put ranks in Perform (mime) and not be ridiculed by the other players; agree or disagree? Explain your reasons. Additionally, if you chose to agree, attempt to justify your existence.

Signature ___________________________________________

Date _______________________________________________

Click here for a copy of the application