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Conflict Resolution and Gaming

For those who have gamed for any period of time, you are bound to run into a situation where you disagree with others at the table. This will be whether you’re a player and disagree with another player’s actions, you’re a player and disagree with the GM’s actions, or you’re a GM and disagree with a player. More often than not, this leads to anger, possible shouting, and hurt feelings. People become defensive and some will never admit that they are wrong. Because of this, I recommend looking into conflict resolution techniques.

There are many methods and techniques out there for conflict resolution. Here are some of the more common techniques and the ones that have worked for me in the past.

Attack the problem, not the person.

This is extremely important. When conflict begins, people get defensive. It’s natural. In order to alleviate this defensiveness, you need to make sure that you are focusing on the problem at hand and not on the person involved.

Communicate your feelings assertively, not aggressively. Express them without blaming.

This is also important. Again, you’re focusing on the problem and why you feel it’s an issue. Don’t focus on the person and blame them. They may have not even meant to do it in the first place.

Accept that individual opinions may differ, don’t try to force compliance, and work to develop agreement.

Compromise is key. You must be willing to understand that this is not about you getting your way, but rather that you need to focus on making sure that everyone is having fun at the table.

Do not view the situation as a competition. Focus on areas of common interest and agreement, instead of areas of disagreement and opposition.

Again, focus on compromise and making it fun for all.

Listen without interrupting; ask for feedback if needed to assure a clear understanding of an issue.

This is called active listening. You need to not only hear what the other person is saying but really listen to them. Don’t think about what you’re going to say next but, rather, listen and understand where they’re coming from.

Forget the past and stay in the present.

Don’t bring up issues from previous sessions. Focus solely on the problem at hand.

Remember that when only one person’s needs are satisfied in a conflict, it is NOT resolved and will continue.

This is very important to remember. Conflict resolution is not about simply getting your way; it is about making sure everyone is having fun.

Thank the person for listening.

Everyone wants to feel their points are valid. Thanking the person for listening to your issues is one way to do that.

Hopefully these steps will help. Remember that conflict is not necessarily a bad thing. Conflict that can be resolved quickly and to everyone’s satisfaction can be a good thing because it helps everyone shape how the game is played at the table so that everyone has fun. And isn’t that the whole point of gaming?

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Posted in: Advice, RPG

6 Responses to “Conflict Resolution and Gaming”

The Chatty DM October 30th, 2008 at 11:11 AM

This is great stuff man,… I’m linking this in my ‘Giving Feedback to the GM post’

The Chatty DM´s last blog post..DM Chronicle: Session 4, This.Is.Epic! Part 2

» Give Feedback to your GM… and live! Part 2. October 30th, 2008 at 11:16 AM

[...] I leave conflict management for a future post (or see Tony’s excellent take on the subject here), you must try to differentiate lack of social grace with uncompromising selfishness. If a player [...]

Kiashu October 30th, 2008 at 8:33 PM

Though some think that intimidation is the most useless social skill, I disagree.

As GM, I wear the Viking Hat, and I think that instead of all this delicate discussion and pats on the back, it’s much better just to pin the player to the table and hump his hams.

Kiashu´s last blog post..The "impossible thing" is trust

Dead Orcs October 31st, 2008 at 1:08 PM

Tony…these are all excellent strategies for running a smooth gaming session. You could almost use these tips as a primer for anyone wishing to pass their Interpersonal Communications classes.

I would like to add that these strategies only work in real life. The monsters in my game tend to alter the rule just a bit:

“Attack the problem, not the person” tends to become, “Eat the person, eliminate the problem”. After that, the rest of the suggestions tend to fall by the wayside.

Happy Gaming!

reveal October 31st, 2008 at 1:17 PM

@Dead Orcs – Yep, these are all tips that can be used in and out of game. I would hope that some gamers would be able to transfer things they learn at the table into real life.

Oddly enough, the monsters in my game tend to not follow the rules either. I think I’ll have to have a talk with them and tell them it’s about active “listening” not active “eating.”

Give Feedback to your GM… and live! Part 2. : Critical Hits January 24th, 2010 at 4:33 PM