How to talk to non-gamers about playing RPGs
Creative Commons License photo credit: Steve Wampler
For many gamers, talking to non-gamers about playing RPGs can be an embarrassing subject. Some people will give you strange looks. Some will poke fun at you. You never know what to expect. For that reason, a lot of gamers keep their habits to themselves.
Today, I thought I’d give those folks who feel like they can’t talk about their favorite hobby tips on how to explain RPGs, and why you play them, to non-gamers.
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Tip #1: Don’t tell them about your character.
I know, I know. Your character did something really cool and you want to tell your coworker all about it. Don’t. They don’t want to hear about it. They don’t care. If they don’t care that Shadowfax was the name of Gandalf’s horse, what makes you think they’ll care that your elf ranger slayed an ogre with a well-placed arrow to the ear?
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Tip #2: Ask them about their favorite movie.
One way of relating the game to them is to ask them about their favorite movie. If they’re fans of fantasy films, like LotR, then you’ve got an in. If not, have them describe their favorite scene from whatever movie they want and ask them what it would be like to be part of it. Ask them how they would have handled the situation and if they would have done anything differently. If they say yes, let them know that, in RPGs, they have the ability to do just that. Also tell them that it doesn’t matter about the genre of film, you can use RPGs to play out pretty much any type of movie.
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Tip #3: Don’t equate it to a children’s game.
Some people like to describe playing RPGs as “playing pretend” or something like “cops and robbers” as a kid. Don’t do that. Don’t give them any fodder to think that RPGs are childish or something only played by kids. We all know that RPGs are nothing of the sort but there are preconceived notions about the genre and it being childish is, unfortunately, one of them.
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Tip #4: Ask them about their favorite books.
With books, it’s the same principles as movies. You can ask them to describe scenes and how it could be played out in an RPG. If they don’t read fantasy novels, you can suggest some good ones for new fantasy readers. Here are some series that I would tell them about.
- A Song of Ice and Fire - George R.R. Martin
- Inheritance - Christopher Paolini
- Harry Potter - J.K. Rowling
Those are some good ones they can start off with before delving into someone like Tolkein, whose writing style is loved by a lot of people but is loathed by others.
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Tip #5: If they ask about the rules, keep it very, very simple.
Do not go into too much detail on the rules. If they ask about character creation, for example, keep it very simple. Here’s what you want to tell them.
- Figure out the type of character you want to play.
- Make them as fast, strong, intelligent, etc., as you want.
- Make them really efficient in some areas.
- Give them equipment.
And that’s it. Very simple. If they want you to elaborate, you can but this gets across the basic idea of what you do to create your character.
If they do ask you to go in depth, make sure to keep the details short. For example, if they ask “How do you make a character really good at picking locks?” you can tell them you put numbers into the characters skills and the higher the number, the better. So you put a high number into lockpicking, add that number to the ability you use to pick locks, probably Dexterity, and that’s how good you are at lockpicking. When you try to pick a lock, roll a die and add that number to your lockpicking number. The higher the result, the better, and the more likely you’ll be able to pick the lock. It’s simple and straightforward while still giving them the correct answer. Anything else and they start to get a glazed over look in their eyes. Trust me, I’ve seen it. 
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Tip #6: Ask if they play video games.
Video gamers can be some of the easiest people to convince to play RPGs. They can also be the most difficult. Some will be interested in trying something where they can shape the world they play in. Some will scoff at the idea of not being able to pick up a BFG and kill all monsters on this level.
The best way to handle gamers is to simply tell them that, in RPGs, they have the ability to interact with everything, just like in a video game. And, just like in a video game, their decisions determine whether their character lives of dies. RPGs can easily be equated to just about any video game.
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Tip #7: Be enthusiastic.
RPGs are fun. If they weren’t, we wouldn’t play them. When talking, make sure you convey this important fact. When I talk to people in my office who don’t roleplay, I am always enthusiatic about it. Granted, don’t be overly enthusiatic and start droning on and on about your Warcraft clan’s raid on an opposing guild, but do let them know that you have a lot of fun playing this game. People like to have fun and, if they see that you’re having fun, they might just think that this “RPG-thing” might be something they could at least try once.
Conclusion
Hopefully, these tips will help you break the “wall of silence” between you and your peers and allow you to talk about RPGs freely without being embarrassed by it. If you decide to put this advice to the test, let me know how it went! 
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Marcel Beaudoin December 2nd, 2008 at 9:36 AM
You might check out the Fear the Boot podcast. A couple of months ago they did a series of short podcasts on this very topic.
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